The same can be said of endometriosis. You can be having a lovely symptom-free month, or at least a month where you don't feel as crippled as usual, then before you know it your symptoms worsen and you feel like you're back to square one. As is the case with life as a whole, you don't know when this will happen or how bad it will happen. As we all know, that can be quite unnerving and very traumatic when it does happen.
The past couple of months for me have signalled a worsening of my symptoms. Since diagnosis in 2013, I've had pain in my right side on and off. This was down to cysts on my right ovary, something we tried to tackle in my first laparascopy in June 2014. Sadly, just one month after the operation, the symptoms came back - tiredness, crippling pains, lethargy etc. The cyst also returned. Back then, I did not think about how my lifestyle or eating habits may be affecting the endometriosis. I didn't eat terribly, but I was on a very poor wage and so could afford only ready meals or quick snacks. Organic vegetables or salads were not an option.
This year has been a learning curve for me. I've expanded my knowledge of the link between nutrition and endometriosis, as well as reading up on Buddhism and mindfulness, going on to practicing meditiation. I have slowly changed my eating habits thanks to a new job and wage increase - eating red meat only once a week, going strictly Organic with vegetables, eating tofu or fish where possible, and cooking proper meals with adequate nutrition.
Yet, in the past couple of months my symptoms have worsened. I started to get pain in my left side which is unheard of. The pain then spread all over - to my pelvis, abdomen and bowels. I've been having repeat scans at the hospital to monitor what is going on, and my latest showed my ovaries as all clear. Whilst this is positive, it doesn't tell us where the pain is coming from. The answer, it seems, is to have another laparoscopy as this is currently the best way to learn where the endometriosis is. Whilst no date has been set, I know it will be within the next 6-8 months.
Whilst it would be easy to get upset about the possibility of an operation, and get angry that eating well hasn't stopped the symptoms from worsening, I think I need to take a really good look at my lifestyle and what I can change. Eating well will not get rid of endometriosis alone. Late nights, drinking, lack of sleep and busy weekends can all have an monopoly effect, so this is something I'm going to be working on in the next few months. Who knows, if I really put the effort in to change my lifestyle I could end up not needing the operation after all.
What really stood out to my family and I is the way I dealt with the news of the operation this time around. Upon learning about the operation in 2014, I was very sad and got very upset and angry at myself, feeling doomed in my body. I've learnt a lot since then and am happy to say that my outlook on life has changed. When finding out about the operation this time around, I accepted the news and then got on with my day. I will deal with the operation when it comes. I also have to remind myself that the operation is to help - not hinder - me. I didn't want to get upset because, as sad that it is that I have endometriosis, I have so many other wonderful things in my life to be grateful for. I feel that getting upset isn't something I want to do anymore - I don't think it's a valuable use of my time.
I feel like we can all change the way we approach the disease. It is completely up to us. I've spoken and heard from many women who suffer from the disease much worse than me, and it has surprised me how, upon speaking to them, they've taken a positive outlook on the possibilities of one day being pain free. It is not all doom and gloom, but our mind is programmed to tell us that it is. I'm hoping to continue this growing movement of positive solidarity, and hope I can inspire more women to hang up the 'doom and gloom' gloves. I acknowledge that there are millions of cases worse than mine, so am by no means claiming that it is easy to be positive when you can't get out of bed for days on end. Just know that, at 4am, when you're awake and feeling alone in pain, there are millions of women out there just like you. In my case, know that I'm one of those women, and want to inspire you to feel better about yourself and the disease.
We have the choice to say NO to negative thoughts. I have taken that choice. I hope you can too.
- A.T.
No comments:
Post a Comment